Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. Where there’s coke, there’s fire(crotch.)
There is also a lot of counting to two.
“He’s more than just a horse! He has a special power!” And that power is a strap-on that he wears between his eyes.
If you’ve ever wanted to see one of those worthless dudebro CW shows set to King Missle’s “Detachable Penis,” you’re welcome.
Undoubtedly, I will be that person ahead of you in the grocery store who will void the most complicated item after the total is announced. And the manager won’t be in, so the Super-Duper Official Void Card will be locked in the office. So you’ll not-so-secretly hate me, you with your two liter bottle of soda and a crumb cake. I have a beauty mark on my clitoris, so I look at all of this as a way of evening out the distribution of annoyances in the world. Understand that I’m sorry, but I’m not paying three bucks for spaghetti squash or six-fifty for wonton wraps. Here, enjoy some taxedermied squirrels playing Crazy Eights. Let’s call it even.
Rejection letters really make me want to break a lot of things. Some of them valuable. Some of them bones.
